Last night I was wondering around REI looking for a gift and found myself spending an extra 30 minutes creating a mental “wish list” of all the things I want and need from a new super bad-ass light to a full face wrap and clear goggles for riding in 10 degree weather at night.

Walking around this mecca of outdoor wear & supplies, I couldn’t help but realize that I’m not 100% sure I’m prepared for winter.  Up to this point, I’ve talked a big game and put on a brave face about how I don’t get cold, new england winters are weak, snow never hurt anyone, and ice is just a snow cone waiting to happen.  Well tomorrow makes is official. It’s winter!

Thus far, keeping up my facade has been pretty easy.  Anyone that has been around this fall can tell you, october snowstorm excluded, this fall has been a joke.  50s sunny with a few rain showers and something like 1″ of snow TOTAL all december.

But as I stare into the face of the actual new england winter, I can’t help but question my resolve, preparedness, toughness and this choice.  The feeling comes and goes but when it rolls up on me it’s like a giant wave of insecurity that must be like the moments before a presentation for those with stage fright.  The only emotion that I’ve experienced that comes close is a tie between

1. Paddling out into 4-7 foot surf that quickly amped up to 10-15 feet thanks to a late august storm off the coast and my only way out was to catch one of those monsters(or attempt to, it didn’t go well).

2.  That period of time just before your first kiss.  You’ve hung out enough and know that she likes you and wants to kiss you but making that move stirs up every bit of insecurity in your being.

So that’s how I feel when I realize and truly acknowledge that tomorrow is the start of a battle which has no winner only survivors.